The fallacy of finding balance
(( an unpopular take on equilibrium ))
A paradox, I know.
I’ve been shapeshifting my cyclical self-abuse on not finding “balance.”
I’ve been a witness to the destruction that is microdosing the idea that you are healthy and have your shit together because you can do yoga and get energy work done in between calls and doing laundry.
I’ve been my own saturn return to the concept that when you find balance, it never gets harder.
That when you achieve this internal equilibrium, life never disrupts you or your human experience again.
“Women operate under the assumption that once you achieve balance, you’ll be ready to unleash your power into the world. You don’t need balance to do that. Balance is not a primer for being who you are. For most women, and damn sure for perfectionists of every type, living authentically looks on the surface like the opposite of balance. The most fulfilled women I know are terrible at being balanced, and I mean, truly, iconically awful at it.” - Katherine Morgan Schafler
Becoming balanced has equated to becoming healthy.
If you are anything like me, when I don’t deem myself as healthy, then I’m not doing this life thing right.
I go into fix-it mode.
I activate the open ego that cries for approval through the channel of balance.
I unlock the dogma of my spiritual image through the figment of flow.
There is not one defined interpretation of this balancing act.
That your life requires you to remain static and that your chakras are perfectly aligned and if not, my God, you aren’t living your design!
You aren’t doing it correctly!
You? Not balanced? Here is a whole protocol and to-do list to balance your current to-do list because you are not feeling harmonious all the time.
And because you are not hitting the dopamine machine of feeling like you are “achieving” the so-called balance, you see other people proclaiming how liberated their cells are from their morning routines and book suggestions.
Turns out that being balanced is not a copy & paste inspirational quote.
Turns out that being balanced is actually finding a smile in the one moment that you can.
Turns out that balance is you being a human and anchoring your feet onto the bare Earth because no one, and truly no one, can tell you what the vision of balance looks like in your own unique experience.
Don’t let the self-help world in on this little secret because they will lose all their revenue.
They will begin to realize that they are promoting the next low-fat low-carb diet through the name of balance.
That achieving balance has actually become the new weight-loss competition.
That your body of balance is one to admire.
In fact, it is one to observe without prejudice or comparison.
That meditating one minute and having your kids pull on your hair the next is balance.
That feeling of your face getting kissed by the sun and then getting an unwanted call from your mom is also balance.
Balance is the new badge of honor; however, balance is just an idea.
There is no throne or crown for someone’s designated version of this uniformity.
Humans do this very funny thing of unconsciously turning ideas into proclamations.
These proclamations turn into promoted Youtube videos and step-by-step methods for you to bathe in.
They become saunas, feeling high and detoxed but when done without re-mineralization, they can end up feeling more like depletion.
Your version of balance is that mineralization.
Your vehicle for this life is not about changing who you are, but becoming more of who you are.
Shedding what isn’t you.
What isn’t you could be the morning matcha with binaural beats and incense in the background.
I actually feel more grounded checking my emails and things in the morning first and then doing all my ooey gooey self-regulation things afterward.
The audacity!
Not in the name of balance!
Screens in the morning before you connect to yourself and drink your adaptogens?
Alas, doing the version of balance that belonged to someone else takes me so far away from myself that I forgot that I am destined to live this life as me.
That I have this blueprint that allows me to not take on someone else’s symmetry.
That I have been at war for myself for far too long thinking I am not a balanced being so that must mean I am a mess and not my “higher self.”
That higher self is me right now.
There is no higher self because that creates separation from all the learnings, falls, stumbles, and triumphs that the higher self contains.
I contain all of those within as we speak.
There is no time in between any version of me.
They exist simultaneously.
Our physical vessels go in & out of balance all day long.
Our blood sugar drops, our cells die off, and sometimes we indulge in screwing up our melatonin with threads because this new app feels more invigorating than our normal night-time routine.
I truly found it more exhausting to achieve balance than to just achieve being myself.
That being myself had no form of achievement at all.
I’ve been catching myself finding the small glimmers during the day where I am busting with gratitude because I am no longer under the guise of balance.
I have more spaciousness and joy to let life happen because that is part of my balance repertoire.
Letting life be ( for me ) is the most balanced I’ve ever felt.
Simple, yet daunting to the mind that has been trained that balance needs to feel, look, and be a certain way.
That this certainty is what fucked me up in the first place.
I have moments of balance and that feels relieving to me.
I’m no longer striving to have a life or even a week of it.
I enjoy the present more.
All it took was reading “balance doesn’t exist” from a psychologist to trickle this.
To bust open my blindfold of thinking everyone out here has it figured out based on their IG story.
The more human I feel, the more connected I am to this galaxy.
The more we all drop down our weapons of balancing.
It is not to say that this concept is not vital for our health, but that this concept can also be a detriment to our well-being.
Many layers exist to this idea, thus you are those many layers too.
Maybe, just maybe, your life is balanced as it is? Maybe you can still find tune-ups? Maybe you can stop thinking that there is some height to hit with this balancing game?
I like the maybes because they set you free.
There is no right and wrong.
Just a ponder into how you view those rights and wrongs in your own timeline.
That your personal chronology might be asking to be set free from balancing too.
This perspective is wild to me.
How is it landing for you?
xo
Sierra
This perspective isn’t wild at all. It’s more grounded than any other self-help routine etc that I’ve heard. I enjoyed this Sierra! I really did. We so often need to be reminded (and that makes me sad) that we don’t need a manual on how to do “life” or a permission to be whatever version of ourselves that seems to be working at the moment. The less grip on balance I have, the easier life gets… hmm or maybe not easier, more interesting! Like living thousands of lifetimes in one.
Absolutely whole heartedly agree!! I’ve been skeptical of the balance thing for a long time and loved reading your beautiful words. I think about the yin yang symbol always flowing into each other, balance doesn’t exist, it’s a fluid thing, and balanced also sounds boring as hell which is for sure my own judgements but I like being unbalanced and I’m keeping it 😝🩷