The fall of the success/failure empire

cocooning in the hypothalamus ❍

I’ve been hibernating.

And also taking this winter very seriously. Saying no to commitments. Sleeping. Sleeping more. Resting without doing (the audacity). Skipping out on breathwork. Silencing notifications. Listening to my inner critic ask more of me. Not replying to every DM. And pouring every ounce of my being into the lovechild that is the symptom shift course (coming out in a few weeks!).

In the northern hemisphere, we are entering the new while colliding with the old. This year’s grand theme ~ embracing the unknown. The human favorite.

I’ve been playing -and by playing I mean battling- with the binary of success and failure in my life, in my current cycle of living in this weird matrix called reality. It’s an implanted weed in the garden of my subconscious that has been asking to be plucked. But in actuality, the weeds in the gardens require no such thing, they require to co-exist with the poppies and daisies of my mind, the pretty positives in my life that check the box of achievement. A dual (literally) that has plagued me and has also contributed to the fire that has lit me up to get shit done my whole life. Not necessarily for other people but for the idea of them- the idea of their approval, their “good girl” pat on the back that has trained me in the hamster wheel of accomplishment.

The success/fail empire is archaic at best and is one of the most beautiful paths back to truth if you let it lead you there.

There is truth in you being inherently successful while also being a complete utter failure at the same time.

Yes. I won’t preach the mottos and quotes. You are a failure. I am a failure. Because being a success is simultaneously soaking in its paradox. We are paradoxical at the core, it’s ironically at the base of human logic. I leaned into the wisdom of the 63rd Gene Key (a genetic doctrine created by Richard Rudd) this past month and it hit me like a ton of bricks. There are no answers to doubt. When you trust your doubt so much you begin to wander the trail of doubting your own doubt. It is this mental pattern that frees us from the self-imposed trap that is this epic conundrum.

Doubt is the hand holder to inquiry. It allows us to question the internal reality of all that weathers inside us. The climate we create from our own internal geography.

“Doubt belongs to the collective. Individuals need to understand that self-doubt is a low-frequency conditioning field that pressures all human beings to evolve to a higher life of service to the totality. When you are in the throes of self-doubt, you must weather the storm. The very best thing to do with self-doubt is share it with others.” Richard Rudd

I’ve been working on this course for what feels like ages but really it’s been about 5-6 months. A lotttttt came up for me. Like a lot.

The most pressing newbie entrepreneurial fear of them all was that no one would buy this thing. That everything I worked for would be for nothing. That I would and already was equating myself to nothing from this made-up concept that was secretly whispering sweet nothings to my cells.

Here is the catch. The illusion of illusions. It wouldn’t matter if I made zero sales or if I hit a sparkly 100k launch brought to you by the comparison trap of Instagram. I still would have been a failure. There would have been one itty bitty voice saying eh could have done a little more. Could have hit the GOAL. The goal of being perfect. The goal of being someone else. The goal of hitting a target that has nothing to do with my peace, the insanely deep love I share with others, or the tears of joy I have already cried just by birthing this baby.

Months of self-doubt that has freed me into being the FAILURE! My God, it’s the most relieving supplement to the perfectionist. It’s so puzzling but insanely delicious.

Self-doubt is the spiral into infinite possibilities. To see the distortion of your energy and uncover the factuality of the situation at play. The doubt that activates you to the peak of shutting it all down. That is the message of a special gland that gives you the spark to actually do it all.

Enter the hypothalamus. This beauty lies underneath your thalamus gland and is intimately connected to the pituitary gland. This very link, a cosmic connection of sorts, is the single most important channel between your hormones and the nervous system.

This is the gland of embracing all the sensations of Earth. It produces hormones such as oxytocin and vasopressin and is hugely involved with controlling the autonomic nervous system. A peek into the gland running your sexual urges, metabolic rate, body temperature, respiration, etc.

The bio-emotional connection to the hypothalamus is giving up on it all. The height of failure within the empire of inner success crumbling to the ground. Throwing it all away. This is deeply intertwined with the fear of death, which feels right. When you hit that peak fuck it energy of letting it all burn to the ground, a part of you dies. That version of you is asking for a fall of a corrupted kingdom. This is a literal & figurative all-in-one infusion.

It’s this reboot of the mental computer that can give you access to the rebirth being called into this experience. The totally needed shift out of this binary success/failure that allows you to enter the other side. Being conflict-active in this state creates sleeplessness, hormonal imbalances, a lack of appetite, low sex drive, & much more. A literal give-up on all the parts of you that turn you on. So layered.

Poetic meaning of this glandular imbalance? Only a completely new turn-around of it all can give you somatic access to completing the biological healing phase of the hypothalamus. It’s through the depth of self-doubt that you enter truth- that you penetrate the radical insight that you are a success by being a failure. That both are one of the same. There is no difference. This is truth because you hold multiple truths. You are allowed to be a contradiction. No one escapes from this human ailment.

I’ve wanted to give up more times than I could count in this process of becoming subliminal shift. I wanted to throw it all away with every hiccup, every legal barrier, every piece of me that didn’t want to be seen. From every reel that I hated making to figuring out how to copyright to having to re-brand right at the beginning of my business spiral.

A full-blown kinship with my hypothalamus. Developed in the womb and continuing to be reborn in all my embryonic phases of adulthood.

Is the concept of failure your freedom or your cage? The door to be a success right here right now is wide open and always has been. And it begins with accepting the symmetry of already being a failure. Beautiful.

This is the love language of the gland that sits right at the intersection of your nervous system and your hormones. The two hottest topics there ever were in wellness central. The seat of giving up, of wildly embracing your failures. The anchor to your doubts. Your made-up complexes. The untold tonic that no one told you was supportive of your health journey.

She’s right there and is patiently, lovingly, waiting for your reunion.

As you navigate what this new year has in store for you, welcome it with all the doubts in the world. Treasure them. Hold them. Caress their inklings. They are a gateway to various functions, emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Take tender care. I always wish you a deep pause in the inner work of your biology.

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