The shapeshifting body

❍ a celebration for the weight you've been carrying

Gravity becomes reality when you feel the physicality of weight.

I’ve been feeling thick. She’s thick in her vulnerable areas, the sensitive parts.

The parts that have carried shame and adolescent memories of self-criticism. The parts that have traveled alongside me through my years of trying to do the inner exploration from the outside.

The outside being the workouts, the dry brushing, the oils, and the clothes that cloak my true emotions. The ones that go, “do you love me yet?” The body parts that go, “can we be friends?”

The heaviness in my butt. She peeks at me through the crack of the door and into the light of the mirror. The density in my thighs, the limbs that contain the tales of comparison & suppression. A comparison that becomes a self-perpetuated mercury retrograde. The planetary aspects are all within me anyway.

A cosmic time-stopper that haywires my personal circuitry. My technological system is put on a selective pause from my inner emails not being sent to the right recipients. Those recipients are my love, faith, inner knowing, appreciation, honor, and sacredness.

The emails of self get sent to judgment, anguish, impatience, disapproval, and lack.

There’s a disconnect in my celestial communication. My soul wants an in-person date with the stars but my ego wants a zoom call with Earth.

I come back to this grounded place when I’m feeling heavy and have nowhere else to go but to face the cyclical thoughts of not liking my body.

It’s a momentary snapshot in time. It’s a blood test of my subconscious programming.

It’s a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of this spectrum of living. I find that I am way more critical of myself in moments of being uncertain, in feeling isolated, and in navigating change.

There is an unspoken density of fluids running through my veins, that soak in my tissues. Anything unspoken remains heavy. Rinse and repeat.

Each cycle refreshes me. I am dehydrated from the water of my own self-judgment. There are no minerals in that kind of water. There is no catalyst for the “spark-plugs” of the cells in what I’ve been drinking.

How dirty is my water filter? When was the last time you cleaned your internal Berkey?

Body weight is the translator of fluids. It is the program of our ancestors.

When a fish is thrown out of water, exposed to the sand, and vulnerable to all the threats of the land, the first reaction will be to shut down the kidney system.

We must retain all possible water. This is vital for the fish, this is vital for you and me. This allows the fish to survive for just a few more moments. If I retain water for just now, I have the opportunity to be swept away from a wave and be taken back to my natural element. My environment of safety. My home.

As creatures of the sea began taking life shape on land, there was a profound shift in adapting to a vastly foreign terrain. These beings are a part of our own genetic memory, and once depended on the cyclical rhythms of the tides for the comfort of elemental familiarity.

The mere change of becoming attuned to physical land was a threat and shock to “being out of water" which embedded a biological solution of holding in water.

The collecting duct system of the kidneys participates in electrolyte/fluid balance through reabsorption and excretion- regularly processed by hormones.

The emotions held within our fluids correspond to our evolution. We are too creatures of the sea. We were once held in the salinity of a womb and depended on nutrients found in this watery abyss.

We re-trigger the emotions of water retention when we can’t find our way back. When we process our own life transformation away from an ocean that was once our abode.

The emotional root of heaviness in your vessel includes an abandonment conflict, an existence conflict, and losing points of reference (no longer able to rely on comfort to survive such as old beliefs, family, a job, a partner, culture, social status, etc.).

There is a collapse that takes place or has already collided in your realm. We’ve lost something essential to our perceived survival. To exist as the versions we are at this very moment in time. Keyword perceived.

There comes a void with this type of emotional root. A paradox of emptiness.

I feel full in weight but empty in security.

This is our good luck charm.

This is our epigenetics of the kidneys.

This is how we change lineages to come.

Being home in yourself wherever you are. This is life-changing. This reformulates the strands of your DNA and becomes unprecedented coding.

The weight I am holding, that you might be holding or might hold at some point in the future, is a damn evolutionary revolution.

It is a rebirth of all sorts. It asks you to rely on yourself. It asks you, is my soul alone enough to survive on?

We are a species of survival, but we are also spirits of transmutation.

We come here to filter out the past programs of needing the external to solidify our identity. To jump out of the water, and continue learning how to walk again and again.

Our symptoms are biological, but we are also here to disrupt that.

We are multi-faceted, and now is the time to honor that we may be simultaneously holding onto the past while also starting anew in our physiology.

You and I are shapeshifters.

In body, mind, and soul.

Let the weight remind you of your power to morph.

∸

xo,
sierra

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