No rain, no flowers

how health conditions your self-love ∘

It’s timely I’m writing this on the morning of the Spring Equinox.

The hemisphere here is arising from its perpetual slumber- I too am awaking from my inner unconsciousness. The drowsiness of my identity that still whispers…“you have so much more to do” is ready for its seasonal cleaning.

Time is always charming me, challenging me, and reminding me of the constraints I put on my healing. The self-proclaimed rules I’ve created to achieve the concept of *being finished*. What a conviction!

Definition of achievement ∾ that which is achieved; a great or heroic deed; something accomplished by valor, boldness, or superior ability.

Alas, Earth has taught me (yet again) that you and I are the achievement.

There is no achieving anything in the definition of achievement.

How tender & destructive. By being alive, and choosing this human experience, we are already carving out the most heroic deed there ever was. No protocols or blood tests to prove it.

To breathe is to be bold.

Valor runs through our blood and dry brushes our lymph simply by agreeing to learn the lessons of Earth school. No amount of healing can justify the accomplishment of who you naturally are.

Our nature is a boundless reflection of the cosmic swirls that reside within lightyears of galaxies. Those galaxies could give two shits about the audacity of a Merriam-Webster connotation.

The ecology of the body reminds us that homeostasis is the vision, but change is truly the only transformer. We seek the timeline of being done with our symptoms, finishing our grieving, and completing whatever else has not yet come full circle.

To be on this planet is to be a cyclical being.

We crave completion, yet we are designed to acknowledge all the fragments of self.

Ironically, that is a task that requires time.

I’ve come to notice that this illusionary hierarchy of health can distort the way you love yourself. This is organically embedded through the notion of time.

You can finally give yourself kudos once the diagnosis is cleared.

You can only celebrate your life force once you have energy again.

You can officially launch your online offering once you are healed from everything because then you are the living proof and people need proof. You need proof.

I don’t want your proof.

I no longer want my proof.

That is the achievement- not needing the achievement.

It’s made up. It’s a synthetic condition we allow ourselves to blindly accept. We peer through these blind eyes and project our reality onto other eyes. We are co-habitants in a living collective of blind achievements.

We need others to fully heal (whether it’s mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, etc.) so we can continue identifying with our blindness. So we can use others as an inner mechanism to say “I’m not done yet.” So we can confirm the belief that we are not idyllic when the word healing is still in the present tense.

There is some aspect of us that doesn’t want to see the beauty, the raw wholeness we already are.

I fall into this as well.

In fact, it’s one of my greatest downfalls.

I notice my mood differs when I’ve hit a flare-up or my health comes around to ask for a tea and sit. A party invitation I frequently hold massive resistance to.

But I’m into wellness! I write Instagram posts on it! I deeply comprehend the body’s language!

Being able to talk about healing while also still healing is one of my best acts of service.

That is my definition of achievement.

To show up, fully as you are, in your thing/niche/space and publish your personalized dents in it.

The electricity of being a human.

There is no other feeling like it.

The magnetism that envelopes your entire being when you share, when you open the depth of rawness that exists within is unhinged. It’s exhilarating to find love in your shadow.

To see that you were “complete” all along.

To understand that completion has no end.

We are always falling in and out of completion. To be truly complete is to say we no longer need to be physical. That is the message of the healing spiral.

No rain, no flowers.

May you allow your rainstorms to be so exceptional that they give you a bounty of blooms.

May we both find a resonance of the heart by dropping the need to verify each other.

May we embrace the existence of Spring by reminding ourselves that no matter our state of being, it gives us a chance to cherish being truly alive.

⍜

Sierra

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PS: I’ve been off social for 3 weeks now, and I really miss you there. Entering that vortex again soon.

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