dropping you a vid update //
What a trip ~ to be so cozy in a space and then have it turn into the most avoidable part of your life because people are beginning to pay for it.
Writing has become once more a foreign concept to me.
Lands across timezones that enter me.
Taking flights into words that ooze out of me like humans getting off planes.
I’ve been traveling, but not on the outside.
My internal passport has so many stamps that I don’t know what to do with it.
The book is completely filled with bad hotels and lavish meals that it’s begging to make a return trip home.
So, here I am.
I’m home again.
I’m sitting with you again.
I’m riffing raps and swimming in waves.
It’s all the same.
I’ve missed you, but most importantly, I’ve been missing a version of me that is still becoming.
Can you miss a version of you that hasn’t even fully shown itself?
Yes.
Your soul knows it to be true, so of course, that is a passage back home too.
I have nothing to prove.
You are subscribing to a human who is nothing short of a rainbow of multitudes.
You’ve taught me more than what I’ve shared in virtual dialogue.
I’ve always wanted to get paid for just being myself- that was the vision of this space and now that it has come true, I ran far away.
I ran so far from you giving me my fulfillment that it became suppression.
I ran so far from you offering me allowance that I turned it into a chore.
I’m not doing these old narrative dishes any more.
I am a Renaissance woman.
Exactly what you crave from me (the variety of interests and spectrums of things) is the thing I lost taste in.
My appetite is back and hungrier than ever before.
I created my own void.
I’ve been playing and hearing about LE VOID for years since diving into all the woo-woo.
You may know of it, but it’s that sticky shit in between where you are currently and where you want to be.
The mystery.
The portal.
The vast unknown.
What is well-known is the discomfort associated with it and let me tell you from first-hand experimentation….you creating the discomfort is essentially creating the void itself.
I’m in the midst of dancing with the void while also being okay with it being the void.
I’m in the altitude of the mountains with this unknown chapter of life and I’m breathing laughter into its snowy peaks.
There is no void when you remove the comparison of where you are now and the “end goal” you seek.
Harsh but yummy.
The void can seem ongoing and so muddy that you have lost your feet.
My dear, your feet are right there.
Can’t you see?
The mud intermingles with water only to wash away the debris.
Your words, your emotions, and the way you perceive are the liquid to your feet.
Wash them clean.
No amount of time or effort can be as productive as finding ease with where you are right here, right now.
The universe, God, source, and the void itself (!!!!) respond to your response.
If the void were to write a letter to your thoughts and feelings, what would it say?
Would it tell you that it was self-made?
Would it beg for your companionship to find harmony once again?
I want to flip the script on this void thing because fuck.
We (as in me lol) put so much pressure on the void being voluminous and scary.
I was scared before the void, she was just doing her job and mirroring me.
If you’re like okay great sierra, so just relax and “trust.” More toxic positivity!
Big no.
Energy first.
Emotions first.
Big feels first.
You can say that you trust your process until you are blue in the face, but if you have the signals of fear, guilt, anger, jealousy, etc. underneath- it will just show you what you are emitting.
We are electromagnetic beings.
These past couple of months away from here have taught me that after all of the hard work (like years of shadowing and embracing the inner child and coming into contact with taking off energetic bandaids, blah blah kumbaya.) just asks for simplicity.
I want this life to be simple.
And so it is.
Here is the thing: the universe does not respond to your mantras or crafted affirmations. It responds to the emotion you are radiating behind those things.
It has taken me 8 years of “spirituality” to get to this type of efficiency.