For when you're feeling lost

〰️ a hug for the thyroid

Damn. I don’t know about you but I’ve been in the density of it all.

I just finished an acceptance cry of where I’m at right now as I’m sitting in front of you. Not an explosive cry, a cry that makes you feel weak, or a cry that makes you want to hide in a high school hoodie. A cry of utter allowance.

It’s a soft cry that makes my cheeks remember the salinity solution (soul-ution) of being a human that allows the spectrum of feelings to percolate my tear ducts. The facade within me crashing like a wave amongst the shore, I am too showing up as best as I humanely can.

For the first time in a long time, I’m witnessing myself grieve for no apparent reason.

I am experiencing a total loss of self, a total loss of illusionary security from the outside world. A suspended globe in space that also feels a total loss beside me, as it’s constantly floating aimlessly, not heading in any direction either.

I find friendship with the Earth during these moments when gravity feels all too real. Both of us not knowing where to go next. There is no “next” in the Milky Way. Only " now " exists in this galaxy where the stars tell us to use their light as the inner compass. We too are the minerals and constitutions that make up the stars. For it is ourselves talking to ourselves after all.

The planet and I are one in this sense, both integrating the lesson of uncertainty.

Earth is doing better than myself with this concept if we’re speaking honestly.

There is security in a home, a monthly income, and a boxed engine that takes you from place to place. I am gracefully feeling the mechanism of “lost” because many of these things feel far away from me at the moment.

I have no clue where I will be living a month from now, all of my belongings are in the car, and subliminal shift?

To be in the “becoming” stage of starting a business while simultaneously not knowing how she will form is the mecca of feeling lost. I haven’t even launched her and I want to reformulate, change, and deconstruct.

But this is the falling tower, the dark night of the soul, and the rebirth that all mystics and gurus speak of. Every time she makes her cyclical round she feels less glittery than a clever post describing her on IG. She asks me to go deeper, to completely detach from “sierra” and to become nothing. Nobody, no time, no space, and certainly no logic.

This is the wisdom of your life falling apart so it can cosmically piece back together.

This is your moment of allowing the reasoning mind to die once again. Falling into a grave of seeds, bugs, and fungi to regenerate the soil of the soul.

A kismet return to a quiet truth that remains within the cavity of our hearts: there is no knowing in this material realm, there is only feeling.

The universe likes to kick my ass when I fall back into logic, into the Ego of directing, dictating, and formulating without her as the co-signer. She winks at me when I’m in the swallows of loss because she knows that’s exactly where I will be found.

The paradox of you and I living in these breathing matrixes of fascia and connective tissue is that they never need to know how to move, where to go next, or what step to take.

They just chill.

They are intelligent beyond conscious recognition or a peer-reviewed paper.

They are just fine, not holding, grasping, or forcing any outcome because they don’t need one. They just need you, the soul as the anchor, to be present. No quarterly planning is required.

I come back to the thyroid during this theme- this is the gland of time.

The main biological function here is to produce T3 and T4 hormones which regulate and accelerate the body’s metabolism. It also secretes calcitonin which acts on the bone matrix.

The keyword is acceleration.

We accelerate or slow down the metabolism of how we experience situations in our waking lives.

Hyperthyroidism: doing things fast. we need to get xyz done at the moment, we need to accumulate a lot of tasks during the day to feel better about ourselves, we fear not having enough time, we tend to lose sleep, our healing has to go fast, etc.

Urgency is the energy of an overactive thyroid.

Hypothyroidism: I need time to slow down. I don’t have enough time to do something or to create a solution to an emotional situation so I slow down time, I decrease my thyroid activity, I have low energy, I impact my adrenals, I wish I made different choices in the past, I wish I took more time to think, etc.

Regret is the emotional wound of an underactive thyroid.

This gland is an internal clock, it is one of the oldest evolutionary organs controlled by the brainstem. It is within this endodermic germ layer that the thyroid allows the body to speed up or slow down based on our internal perceptions.

It is when we are feeling lost or floating in the unknown is when the concept of time becomes distorted.

This is the gift of your thyroid, to heal the notion of a personal timeline.

To escape the clutches of your logic and emotionally tap into what it would feel like to be right on time, wherever you are in life.

It’s this gland that brings us back home to our soul’s greatest wish, to trust in the grand itinerary that is our wavering experience.

To fall back into the Earth’s loving arms, to really allow a trust fall into the warm, melty core of the planet.

It’s when we do this that allows the disintegration of feeling lost because we find that security of home within not knowing what’s going to happen.

That’s the most secure thing in your entire existence: knowing that nothing is secure, nothing is definitive, and nothing is absolute.

Just as nature always exemplifies our inner nature, she tells us that change is the only constant. We have different seasons, we experience a variety of emotions, and we find structure only in the fluidity of our cellular membranes.

Let your thyroid bring you home.

May you feel found in shedding the feeling of being lost on a planet that is holding you in the middle of nothingness.

May you feel security in not knowing anything at all.

May you feel love for all the times you pushed, struggled, and said I’m fucking over this.

May you find resonance with the emptiness that is the 99% of space in your material body.

May you cherish this moment, because it won’t last for long.

xo

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