a love letter

// to the email with the subject line "fix your instagram @subliminal.shift"

A subject line that made me quietly smile.

An emailed invitation that invoked a day’s long pondering on our newly insidious connection to needing to be soulfully restored through analytics.

A blank slate to my relationship with needing to be liked. An open field for me to gallop through the idea that having a small account is something to be healed.

Something to be fixed.

Something to be rectified because God only knows what will happen to my image if I don’t grow xyz every month.

I recently received a copy & paste email from an Instagram follower growth company that listed out all the ways I was not doing enough.

“I couldn't help but notice that your engagement on Instagram is not as high as it should be.”

“You deserve more recognition on your account.”

“An increase in organic engaged followers will lead to more social credibility, sales, and networking opportunities.”

Isn’t it peacefully ironic that social media platforms use words like “like” through buttons and actions to subconsciously reinstate that you are liked when people like your content?

A follower at this point is essentially a bigger like.

To feel credible as a real human being in a virtual reality, I must show said validity through numbers.

The blasphemy (!) of having a smaller account is now poisoning our heart’s perception to think we are severed from social credibility, sales, and networking opportunities.

Why do I want more followers?

To feel legitimate? To feel wanted? To have visible proof that I made it?

What is making it? Is it scaling but still comparing yourself and not pausing for little celebrations or allowing yourself to be content with what is?

Is it hitting a spot you said you would be satisfied with, only to hit it and find that the craving couldn't leave your ego?

We don’t force a fetus to grow.

Where have we forgotten that we are always in the womb of our human experience? I sit in silence in my life’s womb today.

Where am I forcing my growth? Is it natural expansion or it is pushed swelling?

Do we compare our contraction period to the amplification of others? I certainly do. Do others have the DNA of my life experiences? Do they have the same alignment I do? Certainly not.

If we get fooled into believing that growth is linear, then we are set up for rigidity in every cellular participation with life on planet Earth.

Ironically, the word fixed is also represented through the concept of being inflexible.

The subject of the email I received hinted at the profound beauty of this perspective: seeing an account (whether it's 100 or 50k) as something that needs to be fixed from the outside is the most inflexible thing ever.

The most abundant stretch you could ever feel is embodying freedom without social credibility.

The most delicious posture to contain is one where the spine has no justification from outside its alignment.

I love growth.

I savor connection.

I admire that we can make money off these apps.

I like making short content over there so I can lavish in long form here.

I also enjoy testing things like trending audio because it’s an experiment worth trying and then falling off of again.

It does eventually get you caught in an endless cycle, one that eventually asks you to compost some ideals you’ve received from the “discover” of this platform.

If I were to only have the amount of followers I do now for the rest of eternity, how would that change things?

What would shift in my spirit?

What unmet needs would be sheltered from putting tokens into the social media machine only to find an addiction to the game and not a connection to the share?

Am I willing (and able) to partake in a life that requires me to like myself outside my profiles?

Am I able to feel social credit through holding a friend’s hand over seeing how many views a reel got?

Am I invested in understanding that I am playing a fruitless game with media comparison where the real harvest is just enjoying networking with my favorite barista?

I will fail at all the above inevitably.

We are wired to fall back into these habits on a neurological level, especially when your income is supported through these online channels.

The failure isn’t so much what I’m worried about.

What I worry about is the era we are all stepping into with only seeing ourselves as legit, verified, credible, and trustworthy if there is a numerical value attached to it.

For me, the determining factor is never the digit. Especially when people can now purchase followers or use platforms to organically gain more (nothing wrong with these by the way.)

The determinant is the energy.

It’s the ability to be more than the bio.

The inclination to still do the trending thing but also come back to the originality.

I miss your genesis.

Maybe your origin was never supposed to be followed by a million people.

Maybe the conception of your message was supposed to be delivered to the exact amount of people it needs to and that’s all you need to know.

I love you without the figures.

I’m learning to love myself without the same calculation.

xx

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